Thankful for....

It feels sometimes, in this life, in this year, that there is little to be thankful for, when again this morning I woke up feeling shitty again. Then I step back and I look up and I realize that I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, more clothes in my closet than I know what to do with and friends and family that will support me through anything if I need them.

I am this year I am particularly thankful for a few things that surprise even me:

• Relationship with #Torontosis (aka #spoiledsis) - I am grateful and blessed to have a new found relationship with my sister who was previously known as #spoiledsis on this blog and is now #torontosis.  Since she moved back to Toronto our relationship has grown and improved.  I think the fact that she read my blog and understands me a bit better probably helped too.  I think that we likely have a bit of a better understanding of each other.  I have been more open to her life also.  I try now to see things her way.  To understand her life and her family more.  She has been wonderful in spending time with my niece and her husband has included me in countless things that he likely wanted to just have to himself with his family.
• Time to heal-  Had I not been laid off in January, due to lack of work in Toronto, I am not sure that I would have had the chance to start getting better.  I wonder what sort of state I would have been in had I continued to work the same amount of hours in the same job.  I was so ill when I was not working, I am not sure what would have happened.  Having had the last 9 months off, and essentially the whole year, I am feeling very blessed to have the chance to try and get better, although i don`t feel better, it is nice to have the time.
• A Voice for Mental Health and Mental Illness - I am thankful that I have found a voice for mental health and illness.  Whether it is through Twitter, my blog or Facebook, I am proud that I can speak about my illness, bipolar disorder, openly and honestly, for myself and those that can`t.  I feel that part of my life will always be advocating or speaking about mental health and illness.  I hope that my voice will help others understand that mental illness is not something that is scary or has a stigma attached to it.  Real, successful people are struck with it.  They look just like me, they are me.
• New Friends/Support Network - I am so grateful for the fact that I have grown a large support network of friends and individuals through Twitter, therapy and just life.  I am beyond grateful to these individuals.  They are wonderful.  They know me for who I am.  There is no pre-tense.  They know that I am not well, they know that I am crazy, we do not have years of the past that we must remember and live with, it is just the now.  It is a new friendship.  I never thought that I would have new friends like this.  I am truly grateful.

I will continue to strive to find things to be thankful and grateful for everyday.  My life is full of things to be happy about.  I just have to remind myself to notice them and more importantly take note of them.

Happy Thanksgiving.  May you find peace and love with your friends and family today. May you find so many things to be grateful for that your list is too long to even contemplate writing writing down. May you not need reminding how lucky you are, but may you find thanks in the simplicity of daily life.

Today's Thanks - New Perfect Babies

I met my new niece for the first time today. For those of you who have read my blog before, you are aware of the issues that this would or may entail. For those of you that are new here, it is a complicated story, but one that is not more complicated than really the eldest sibling (me) being excessively jealous of the younger, more perfect, fabulous, luckier, pregnant married sister. Anyway, I have not met her 6 week old daughter until today and she is gorgeous. She is truly perfect. As of now, no issues, no bad feeling towards the cutie, I just think that she is precious. She is sweet and adorable and my sister is normal and tollerable and not overbearing. OK, she is a bit of a helicopter parent, but the baby is gorgeous. So today I give thanks for perfect little toes, perfect little fingers, perfect little noses and perfect babies.

Today's Thanks - A great seat on the plane

We are currently on a flight waiting to take off to fly to Frankfurt, Germany from Toronto. The flight is 7 hours and I am so overly thankful that I have one of the best seats on the plane. My parents are sitting up in the pods in first class and I am sitting in economy with the chickens, but I have to say that my seat is fabulous. First row of economy, right behind first class and in the bulk head. I can stretch my legs out completely and not even have my feet reach the wall in front of me. We are also graced with the lovely individual personal t.v.'s and I am so happy to have space and room and privacy. It makes all the difference on a semi long flight. Now here is hoping that I don't end up with a crying baby beside me.

Happy travels and holidays to all. I am off to France for the holidays and not sure how the internet is going to work on holidays. I do hope that it will work so that I can do a bit of work on PDRR.

Today's Thanks - Good News before going away

I have to say that today I was really thankful to have gotten really good news before the Christmas holidays. I have been working my buns off trying to get things done for the end of the year and was so happy today to not only get good news on two fronts from my client, but also to feel like I would leave tomorrow on a good note and not have to worry about being overloaded while I am away. It is not that much of a big deal, but it means a big deal to to me. Being able to have 2 weeks off from work will be blissful. Today, I am thankful for completion and peace of mind.

Today's Thanks - Havianas Flip Flops

I love my Haviana's Flip Flops. I take them everywhere with me and I have to say that at this time of year, I come to appreciate them even more as I stuff them into my clutch with my camera, lipstick, keys and credit card. When my feet get too sick of heels and my legs are tierd, I slip on my gold or silver ones and they are cute and sweet and ready to take on the night. Nothing to be scared of for sore feet, unless of course, my pedicure is not up to snuff!

Today's Thanks - The Perfect Cosmetic Case

I bought the most perfect cosmetic case the last time I was at Gee Beauty in Toronto by Kate Spade, and I had totally forgotten about it. It was not cheap at $135, but I think that it was worth it. I am now starting to organize things for my trip to France over the holidays and I remembered that I had bought this and never used it. I pulled it out and unpacked the tissue from the inside. I am going to have to take some pics of the inside, because this is so well thought out. Mine is the same as the one above, but it is red with white dots. The inside splits in two and has an inside bit that can hold brushes and drugs. It is so good. I absolutely love it.

I am terribly excited to fill it up with things and see if it all fits in. I'll take before and afters. It should be lovely.

Today's Thanks - Hangover Cures

Oy Vey, I threw a party for my littlest sister last night and I am clearly not able to drink with those who are 9 years younger than I am. I woke up this morning dumb as nails and with a hangover the size of Timbuktu. Luckily it was not as bad as I had anticipated and my usual concoction of cures worked really well. So what is my secret:

• Night before: assemble in bed bottle of Pepto Bismal pills, Aleve Liquid Gels, Bottle of Water, Can of Ginger Ale
• upon waking up stumble to grab ice pack out of freezer
• wash face with ice cold water
• return to bed, take Pepto (2), Aleve (2), drink whole bottle of water (1.5litres)
• place eye mask on eyes
• place ice pack on forehead and back of neck
• wrap self in duvet
• go back to sleep
• sleep
• wake up, watch t.v.
• drink ginger ale and non-alcoholic drinks of all sorts
• quickly go out for greasy breakfast or excellent Eggs Benedict
• return home for t.v. watching
• crawl into bed for nap
• cured

Works like a charm. I had a great night, but it was a difficult day. I struggled with being dumb and non-functioning for a long time that day. All worth it for a great night.

Today's thanks - My littlest sister

My little sister came home today. She moved to Europe 9 months ago and I can't believe that I haven't seen her in that long. I had intended to go and visit but it just hadn't happened. I am so happy that she is home. I have missed her. She is 9 years younger than I and the relationship is quite a bit different than that of other relationships that I see with sisters. She is like a very good friend. She never judges, she never views me as something that I am not. I truly adore her. I am throwing her a little party tonight. I can't wait. It will be really awesome to just hang out with her while she is here. We used to get together three or four times a week when we lived in the same city. She's just a cool kid and I can't wait to spend some quality time with her.

Today I am thankful for the great relationship that I have with my littlest sister.

Today's Thanks - New Social Enviornments

Today I spent the evening with a friend as her "date" at a 40th birthday party of one of her good friends partners. I gave up going to 4 Christmas Parties where I would have known everyone, to a party where I knew no one. I was not up for drinking up a storm and small chat with a ton of good friends and felt like doing something a bit more low key and a bit more off track. When the invite to attend a 40th birthday came through I was so happy. A chance to hang out with a group of totally new people. There were three or four very different groups there. He and his partner are gay, so there were a number of gay men their which was really fun and a ton of performers (the birthday boy led a number of choirs). It was so neat being in a room of people that I didn't know. It's so rare that it happens that I really liked it. I loved being incognito. I had a great time.

We ended up having way to much too drink and my friend and I spent a lot of time at the bar bitching about the guests at the party. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed a new experience. My only complaint, not enough straight men. I need to hang out with less gay men. It is causing me too many problems.....

Today's Thanks - Having a job

I am so happy to have a job in this economy. I don't necessarily love my job right now, but it is a job that I am very good at and that I like many parts of immensely.

Today, my sisters firm laid off 600 people in her office. Everyone of the people in her area, 6 pods, was fired. As she said, it was like a slaughter house. Every 5 minutes someone was called up to Human Resources to be laid off. I can't even call it being fired anymore. I can't even imagine. Everyday I hear of a really good, supremely smart person who has lost their job.

Anyway as I was up until 5 am in the morning working on a proposal, I was getting upset with my work and then I came to a point where I was aware that I should just be happy with the fact that I have a job, and I am more than that. I am overly ecstatic. I feel very fortunate.

Princess is thankful for having a grindstone to grind today.

Today's Thanks - A great day of wirting

There are some days when I have a really hard time writing. Blame it on the migraines, blame it on the depression, blame it on life, I sometimes can't write. I hate those days. I have to write a lot and write well for my job. I have to write strategically, effectively and efficiently. Luckily when I'm on, I'm one of the best in the business. It flows well and is very good if I do say so myself. The key that I have found with it is that I have to be on a tight timeline, I have to have a knack to want to be strategic and I have to want to write.

Today all of those things came together. It was amazing. The stars aligned and I wrote and wrote and wrote. Some of the best letters and proposals that I have ever written. They were great. Now it is 11:23 at night and I have one more large thing to write before I can crawl into bed with a headache the size of Timbuktu.......

Thanks today for letting me have the ability to string to cohesive sentences together. I needed it.

Today's Thanks - drizzlie rain

Today it is drizzle raining. The kind of rain that is not falling, but is like you are walking a cloud. I sometime really like it and today is one of those days. It is about 4 degrees Celsius and so just above freezing today, so the rain is cold, but when bundled up it was fantastic. I really enjoyed it. It was refreshing, my hair was in ringlets by the time I got home and I loved the fact that it was cleaning out the air. I also really like the way that the night looks with the drizzle in the air. It is all misty and fairytale-esque.

Today's Thanks - Summerhill Market's Chicken Pot Pie

Some days, especially in the winter, I just need some comfort food that I did not prepare and that is delicious. On those days, I love to turn to Summerhill Market in Toronto and buy their too die for Chicken Pot Pie. It is so yummy. I am really happy that I can afford to buy the "not so cheap" chicken pot pie, but that it is also so yummy and so close to me. I could not make something better if I tried. So, today on the short and sweet note, I am happy and thankful for someone else doing the cooking......

Today's Thanks - A Great Haircut

I am finding it odd that when I am thinking of thanks these days, it is going from very over the top sentimental, meaningful things like love and life to totally ridiculous, frivolous things like today - a great haircut. Two polar sides of the spectrum, two sides that are still very important to me - frivolity and substance.

So why a great haircut today? I love the person who cuts my hair and he has been doing it for 10 years. He is lovely. He can perfectly cut my hair so that I can wear it straight or let it go naturally curly. I had it cut yesterday after not having it done for 4 months, and I am so happy. I just brushed it out this morning after being at the wedding yesterday, and it is yet again fa-bu-lous. I love it. I give him no instruction, he just cuts.

Anyway if you are looking for a good cut in Toronto please go and visit my dear friend Tony Chaar at his salon - The Tony Chaar Salon. He is not cheap, but his hair cuts grow out with you and he is fabulous.

Today's Thanks - Weddings

I love weddings, and today two of my dear friends are getting married. Weddings remind me that there is hope and love and excitement in the world. They instill a sense of wonder and newness for what is too come. I always feel that they are about completion and new beginnings.

I am particularly excited about this wedding because I feel as if they are really meant to be together and are such amazing friends. They really make each other happy and are just better together. I am so happy for them both.

Anyway, I am excited to see friends and have a few too many drinks while celebrating love, life and the future.

Thank you for giving me that opportunity today.

Today's Thanks - CO Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint

In this cold North Eastern Canadian winter, my lips die. They just die. They get so dry and gross that I can't wear lip stick and I really have a problem wearing any real color because they look so flaky and chapped. I do brush them and use my Dermatolica Daily Resurfacer on them whenever I use them on my face, but it is not enough. What I found to be a really big life saver at this time and what I am most thankful for this afternoon is the CO Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint. It has just enough colour that your lips don't look naked, but it is also a real lip balm, not a lip gloss. It protects and moisturizes. I have probably 10-15 tubes of this everywhere. I tend to buy it whenever I see it. I can't get enough. I do also like the clear one for nighttime use. Speaking of which I have to search thorough my huge bag to find some. My lips are about to fall off.

PS. you can pick it up at Bath and Body Works, just in case your interested. I highly recommend it.

Today's Thanks - New Friends

Today I am having dinner with a new friend. Someone that I have just 2 months ago. I am so excited. It is so rare to make new friends as an adult that I feel privileged to make a friend, especially one that wants to spend time with me so quickly and have dinner. He is super sweet and I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to go and spend some time with him.

I also, unbeknown to him, have an alternative motive. I am going to ask him to set me up with some of his straight friends. He is a very wonderfully fun gay man, and I am sure that he must have some fun straight friends. I also feel like because he has not known me for a long time, there is no history. He only knows me as the new me. Not the me from years ago. Only the me of today. The me that is the me of now. I like that idea. I like that our relationship is not filled with baggage. It feels somewhat cleaner and better. I hope that he feels the same way. We shall see.

I do feel incredibly blessed to have made a new friend and today that is what I am truly thankful for.

Today's Thanks - Ice Packs

Today, as I am in the throws of a migraine, I am most thankful for ice packs. It is not necessarily about the drugs, although I thank the higher power out there for those everyday, but I truly love ice packs. I use them all the time. For a migraine, I have one on my eyes and one on the back of my neck. My ankle hurts, as it is still broken, slap on an ice pack. My feet are sore after a big night out, stand on an ice pack. They are truly a wonder drug, without being a drug. They, the advert, topamax and pepto bismal, are really the only things that get me through days like today.



Thank you oh little invention called the re-freezable ice pack.

Today's Thanks - The Friend Network Connection

Today's thanks is difficult. I got some bad news today that quite a good friend of mine has just been diagnosed with Soft issue Sarcoma Cancer. It would be easy today to be thankful for friends, my health, luck etc. All of which I am thankful for, but what I am most thankful for today, is the friend who told me.

I am thankful that we have such a close knit network of friends that I was at a friends tonight, who sat me down and told me that J had cancer. We chatted about it and then I asked who I could call. I made 3 phone calls and will make a few others tomorrow. This is how this works. Soon enough the whole crew will know and we will all lock into help.

I will call J tomorrow and see how he is doing. I will also call my crew of friends and see how we can mobilize a team to help. I am so lucky to be able to help J and have this group that I can call on and really feel like I am making an impact.

Today I am truly thankful.

Today's Thanks - Cool Crisp Evening Air

I thought I would really look for things that I am thankful that are out of the ordinary if I can. I am thinking that there are a whole bunch of things that I am thankful for that are predictable, but I was thinking what are the things that are outside of the norm.

I was struck today by how enjoyable the Cool Crisp Evening Air was when I left the office tonight. It was dark and I hadn't left the office all day and been outside. It felt amazing. I was instantly revived. It gave me a minute to breath and feel lighter and better. I found that I was instantly a bit happier and my migraine lifted just a bit. I was a thankful for that air, for the sense of cleanliness it created, the the space it created in my mind, the room it created in my thoughts.

Today I was thankful for the Cool Crisp Evening Air.