There are times when I wonder why I write. I am not a great writer, I was never seen in my family as the writer. #torontosis was always the one that had the "knack for writing". I was the one that made do with scrawling a few lines in a notebook in creative writing class and hoping that it somehow related to the theme assigned. But here I am writing a lot.
I do know that writing has become therapeutic. I go to a lot of therapy in different forms. I see a psychiatrist, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, a psychotherapist, a regular therapist and I go to a ton of support groups, on top of all that I write. It fits in as one of these therapists in its own way and quite frankly is a hell of a lot cheaper. I've never been able to keep a diary, but for some reason writing a blog is different. It helps me to talk about things in an open forum that makes me accountable to a larger community. But I still wonder if anyone reads what I write or even cares. I find the therapeutic results that I get, do not require anyone read what I write, and i find it interesting that anyone would even care.
Today I received a direct message on twitter from a woman, who reminded me that my writing has started to matter for more than just me. Apparently she has started to share my blog with her "Parent's of Adult Children with Mental Illness" at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. I am now on one of their recommended reading lists, apparently as a good source for parents. I have rarely felt so good about something that I am doing, and am so proud that I am happy to be helping this wonderful support group of parents.
Over the last year, I had hope that my label of a "person with a mental illness" had started to changed to a "person with at metal illness advocating for herself and those who can't, while educating those around her". I am not a person who believes in things happening for a reason, but I do believe that I have to find some part of this illness that I can build on. That is the role of advocate, educator, peer supporter, and woman successful living with rapid cycling bipolar disorder and social anxiety. I think that this blog has become a key tool in that mission. Here I can address all of those roles, and advance my mission on all of them, while still venting, finding therapy and just writing what I need to write to make it to tomorrow.
So readers, thank you for taking the time to read some of my thoughts. Please know that I appreciate it and you are part of my coping with a mental illness. I promise to write open and honestly about myself, mental health and the ups and downs, rants and raves of a self proclaimed princess.
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