Battling the Monster: Anger and action of dealing with weight gain as a side effects of drugs

I have always struggled with my weight.  When I was younger I used to dream that one day I would wake up and want to be skinny and then I would lose weight.  Somehow there would be a switch in my head that would just go on and I would have a desire to lose weight.  I have written before on this little blog about my weight, issues with my weight and a lot of insight that I have on why I struggle with my weight, and all of that is relevant and important as I look out to my current situation, but I want to leave it behind.  I want to focus today on the fact that I am angry, and upset, and disappointed in myself, for falling pray to the #seroquelcarbsmonster.

For anyone that deals with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, sever depression or a host of other mood disorders, has heard of the drug, Seroquel and its lovely side effect, The Carbs Monster.  Since I started taking this drug last April, so a year ago, I have put on 20lbs.  This is not 20lbs that I have to gain.  I had far more than 20 to lose. 

I am angry.  I am angry that I let this happen.  I am angry that I fell down to the feet of the "Monster" and did so with such vigor.  I apparently have taken the monster as a lover.  I feed him, he comforts me, we are good friends when I am so lonely.  What is so shocking is it is not like I am eating a hell of a lot.  I feel like eating a piece of bread just attaches itself to my hip and won't let go.  I didn't eat wheat, didn't drink caffeine or alcohol, in January, do you think I lost a pound??? Not a one.  On a diet of veggies, water and legumes, the Monster still won.

So what am I to do??  Well I joined Weight Watchers yesterday.  I just woke up last week and had had enough of these fucking side effects and decided to take some action.  I was so depressed when I was weighed and then after the meeting was told that my weight loss will be twice as slow given the drugs that I am taking.  Well that is just fucking wonderful.  One more great thing to add to the list of "Why I hate taking 14 pills a day".  I will battle the monster and hope that I win.  Everyday is a struggle to stay on track anyway, why wouldn't I add slaying the #seroquelCarbsMonster to the list???