Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Flying solo - evaluating a night out

well i did it. i went to the event on Thursday on my own. It was a dinner in support of homeless youth. Three courses and each course we changed places so that you were sitting beside different people. It unfortunately took 4 hours for me to get home from my clients and I was an hour and 45 minutes late. It was fine. I survived. I more than survived. I did o.k. It was fine a couple of the men were total jerks and idiots, but all in all I am glad I did it. I met with my psychoanalyst/life coach today and we talked about that night. Some of the things that I garnered from that conversation and the evening were:
  • I am out of practice. It has been a long time since I have been to something where I don't know anyone. It was good to be aware that I have to do this more often. This is the only way that I am going to meet anyone new.
  • I found it slightly difficult to facilitate the conversation at times and I have to figure out what people want to talk about. I am a very well read, intelligent woman. I read two papers a day, have an exciting job, love the volunteer work that I do and am generally quite intelligent. I did find it hard to find things to say. There must be a list of conversation starters on the web somewhere. Must find it.
  • I was quickly dismissive. It is not a great thing. I didn't give people a chance. I would meet them and quickly become disinterested. Why??? I am not anything great, why would I dismiss people so quickly. Do I think that I am better than anyone else???
  • The men I met were fine. Maybe fine is fine. I am not sure.
  • I was much more comfortable sitting in the back seat. My little sister and her beautiful friend joined us for a drink at the end of the night and they held court with the boys. I was happy to laugh at them and take on the usual role of supportive big sister.Attention was off of me and onto them. i would like to know why I don't have the ability to do that flirty thing that they do. I know that part of it is that I do not look like them and men don't find me attractive, but really. I am a smart, fabulous woman. In the words of someone who is so much younger than me WTF???
  • I don't know how to flirt. Its true. Never have learnt. Need to take lessons. don't have the jean. Never have.
  • There were two men that I thought were potentially interesting. One was a cutie and super nice but was quite obviously not interested in me. The other was a nice boy, and usually I would not be interested as I wasn't attracted to him. However as someone pointed out afterwards, he is 40, not married, no children, about to sell his company for multi millions (on a non-superficial level I know that this is not supposed to matter, but who are we kidding if it doesn't) and is actively trying to give back to the community. He also wants kiddies. I am all over that. However he was an appalling dresser, I was not attracted to him at all.....Maybe that grows on you and I just need to give him a chance. I think that I will consider e-mailing him.................who knows.

Anyway that is just the beginning of the analysis of the evening. I think that I will have to come up with the 5 things that I am going to do to help these situations. we'll see.

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