Pre taking these two drugs I was an individual motivated to do my best work by anxiety. I was the classic "work the deadline" kind of person. I produced excellent work this way. I worked hard, but i produced excellent work. Essentially i was moderately productive daily (sort of an average consultant output, it has been compared to) and then as a deadline approached, i would ramp it up. I would work all day and night for days if i had to. I used to see it as my "Manic" episodes, because that is how it felt. It was all driven by anxiety and pressure and stress and i strived and excelled on this!!!! I was good during these times. Producing reams of reports that were perfect and gorgeous and fabulous. Clients loved them and my firm was over the moon with them!!!
Enter Cipralex and Topamex into my life.....
One of the major side effects of Topamax is loss of concentration and focus. It certainly has been the one that has been the biggest challenge for me. It has been brutal. Even though i have pages of things on my to-do list, i just can't seem to do them. It's not because i don't want to, it's not because I don't care, i just don't do them. I don't know why. I spend hours doing a fuck load of a lot of nothing and stressing about it. Lovely.
Add Cipralex to the adventure and the roller coaster really takes a turn for the worst (not that i would probably care apparently - please continue reading). One of the reasons, other than depression that i am taking cipralex is my struggle with anxiety. Take anxiety out of the equation, paired with the lack of motivation/concentration/focus and you have a perfect storm of inefficiency. And apparently i am not even that worried about it.
I understand that i need the Cipralex more than i ever thought i did. It's invaluable to my existence right now. I can't deal without it. I also can't live without the Topamax. I can't have that many migraines continually all the time and it seems to be helping.
What i hate is this perfect storm of inefficiency. I need to figure out what to do about it. Any ideas????
A very frustrated princess.
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