I know that I am late getting on the "What did 2009 mean to me? What I would like out of 2010?" train, but I have been ruminating about it. I feel that 2009 was such a bust of a year. In the grand scheme of things that I rate my life against, I was a list of tragic fails:
• I am still suffering from migraines and feel like this is no further ahead than it was a year ago.
• I am working in a job that I really do not love. I need a new career and am no sooner to figuring it out than I was a year ago, except that I know that the day will come in 2010 when I will have to find a new job.
• I did not have any successful physical relationships with men that were long term.
• I have not moved forward on any of the large goals that I have for myself
• I have been a lousy friend to many of my long standing friends.
• I am in a worse mental health place currently, than I have been ever before.
• I am not skinny
• I am not financially where I would like to be.
• I have not fostered better relationships with certain members of my family
So on the not so tragic things of 2009:
• I feel so blessed to have made so many fabulous new friends this year, primarily through twitter. What a blessing in my life this has been.
• I said yes to more things that I ever have before, friendships, boys, dates, jobs, opportunities, life....
• I have a job, no small feat in these hard economic times and given the industry that I am in.
• I am trying to deal with my mental health and speaking about it with friends and family more openly.
• I am proud that I am exploring and using social media, like twitter, my blog, facebook to enrich my life and to meet others who are friends and a support to me.
All in all I think that it was a pretty crappy year. One of the worst. I am 33 years old. I have no partner. I live in a rental apartment. I am lonely. I want someone to share things with. Everyday I am faced with experiences and opportunities that would be happier, better, more special if I was sharing them with someone.
I am watching my friends, sisters and enemies lives fill with children, happiness and families of their own and I am not making/having that happen for myself. Yes I have been so blessed with new friends this year. I would not give that up for anything except a family of my own. I am so upset with myself that I have found myself in this state. How, I ask myself, did I end up like this??? This is not where I was supposed to end up. I deserve to be happy, to share things with someone who loves me as I love him, to be able to buy him things, cook for him, share a bottle of wine.....
I deserve to be happy
Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!
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