Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Saturday, October 9, 2010

It is time to come "clean"

I have to come "clean" this is the only way I can do it.  I think i have to write about the hidden known fact of bipolar disorder.  We are a bunch of "hoarders".  At least the one's that I have met are.  One of the most difficult things about this damn mental illness is that I have had a very hard time getting anything done.  From the simple things such as paying bills and opening mail to cleaning my apartment and selling my car, I just can't seem to do things, and I know that I am not the only one.  It has been one of the most frustrating and most difficult things because there is no explanation or way to explain why.  My parents ask what I have done in a day and explaining that I am so proud to have made it to a dentist appointment and home again is the a big accomplishment is so difficult.  They do not understand, and I do not understand enough to explain why I can't seem to do anything except that it is part of the illness.  The biggest casualty of all of this is my apartment.  It is a nightmare.  I am living in an episode of hoarders. 

You would, if you were to come into my apartment today, find my Christmas tree still standing in the corner, surrounded by my stuff.  A monument to the past year and my inability to do anything in 9 months.  I do have a hope that before I leave next Friday it will come down.  But I have also told myself that I will not beat myself up if it does not.  It is part of the illness and I have to accept that.

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