I have to come "clean" this is the only way I can do it. I think i have to write about the hidden known fact of bipolar disorder. We are a bunch of "hoarders". At least the one's that I have met are. One of the most difficult things about this damn mental illness is that I have had a very hard time getting anything done. From the simple things such as paying bills and opening mail to cleaning my apartment and selling my car, I just can't seem to do things, and I know that I am not the only one. It has been one of the most frustrating and most difficult things because there is no explanation or way to explain why. My parents ask what I have done in a day and explaining that I am so proud to have made it to a dentist appointment and home again is the a big accomplishment is so difficult. They do not understand, and I do not understand enough to explain why I can't seem to do anything except that it is part of the illness. The biggest casualty of all of this is my apartment. It is a nightmare. I am living in an episode of hoarders.
You would, if you were to come into my apartment today, find my Christmas tree still standing in the corner, surrounded by my stuff. A monument to the past year and my inability to do anything in 9 months. I do have a hope that before I leave next Friday it will come down. But I have also told myself that I will not beat myself up if it does not. It is part of the illness and I have to accept that.
Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!
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