Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Unopened Mail - A Secret Friend of Mental Illness

This week has been hell.  One of the reasons it has been so difficult is purely my own fault and all because I don't open my mail.  I thought it was just me being immature and not being a grown up.  I have never wanted to face things that I don't like, whether it be school, family issues, tough issues with friends, bills... and I thought that the mail was all part of that, and I am sure that it is, but I have also unearthed a deep dark shameful secret of mental illness.....I am not the only one.

When I started to talk to some of my "mental health" friends about my whole debacle and shamefully admitting that I had not been opening my mail and that is how I ended up in this situation, I started to be told stories of others who have piles of mail in their homes also.  Whether they suffer from depression, bipolar, social anxiety, OCD etc.many people just like me, do not open their mail.  I was amazed and comforted in my shame, knowing that others had this horrid little secret.

So the question arises, why do we do it????  Why is it so difficult to open envelopes and deal with life like an adult??  For me, I think it means that I have to deal with the unknown and undoubtedly the following up on what is in the envelope.  I can't explain it, but it all feels so overwhelming.  I just can't do it.

I have aspirations that I am one of those people who comes home, sorts her mail everyday into "bills", junk", "need response", etc.  but it is never going to happen.  Visions of pretty little Martha Stewart mail organizers are in my dreams, but there is no way that it is going to happen. For now the mail sits in a huge paper Hermes bag by my front door.  I had to sort through it and deal with the shame of what was in there this week, so I can report that at least it is sorted into types of mail, and some of it is opened.  

Baby steps Stephanie, baby steps.

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