This week has been hell. One of the reasons it has been so difficult is purely my own fault and all because I don't open my mail. I thought it was just me being immature and not being a grown up. I have never wanted to face things that I don't like, whether it be school, family issues, tough issues with friends, bills... and I thought that the mail was all part of that, and I am sure that it is, but I have also unearthed a deep dark shameful secret of mental illness.....I am not the only one.
When I started to talk to some of my "mental health" friends about my whole debacle and shamefully admitting that I had not been opening my mail and that is how I ended up in this situation, I started to be told stories of others who have piles of mail in their homes also. Whether they suffer from depression, bipolar, social anxiety, OCD etc.many people just like me, do not open their mail. I was amazed and comforted in my shame, knowing that others had this horrid little secret.
So the question arises, why do we do it???? Why is it so difficult to open envelopes and deal with life like an adult?? For me, I think it means that I have to deal with the unknown and undoubtedly the following up on what is in the envelope. I can't explain it, but it all feels so overwhelming. I just can't do it.
I have aspirations that I am one of those people who comes home, sorts her mail everyday into "bills", junk", "need response", etc. but it is never going to happen. Visions of pretty little Martha Stewart mail organizers are in my dreams, but there is no way that it is going to happen. For now the mail sits in a huge paper Hermes bag by my front door. I had to sort through it and deal with the shame of what was in there this week, so I can report that at least it is sorted into types of mail, and some of it is opened.
Baby steps Stephanie, baby steps.
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