Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Who am I? Defined by my job

I was reminded this week, that when I was out of work, I worried about the fact that I "was defined by my job" when I was working.  When asked who I was, I replied that "I was a management consultant", not that I was an intelligent woman who had a number of things going for her.  I vowed that my job when I returned to work in 2011 would not define who I was again.

I believed at that time, that a job serving coffee or working in a book store, would have meant that I would not have had the same stresses and all consuming feeling of my job as a Mgmt Consultant did.  That was the plan anyway.  To find a job that was easy, fun and something that was not going to be so stressful.  Oh how things change when you start to feel better and are away from the stresses of everyday work.

While I was away in Argentina I was offered a job, with a past client that I had worked with.  I was feeling great that particular week and felt like I could do anything.  Being on holidays for 6 weeks, not having any stress, and working out regularly, can do that to a girl.  So I took the job in a moment of weakness, health and being swayed by the salary that it offered.  I started on January 4th.

So here I am.  6 weeks in and if asked who I am right at this moment, I fear the answer would be the response to the question "What do you do?"  I am more than the work that I do.  I know that.  But when I have little else besides the job that I do, it is difficult.

I have managed to ruin nearly all the relationships in my life because of my mental illness and the inability for me to be a reliable friend to people these days.  I choose solitary activities that do not involve interaction with others, so that my social anxiety stays at bay.  I would rather be on my own than with others.  Social activities these days, involve attending peer support groups for people who are suffering from mood disorders like myself.  These things all make it easy for one to be defined by the job that they do.

I know I am good at my job, if not great, but I also know that in order to be happy, I have to have other things in my life.  I must start to build a life outside of my work that involves people.  I must start to interact with friends again.  I must start to build a life that involves me, not just the work that I do.

So, what is the answer that I want to be able to give the next time someone asks "Who are you?"  That my friends is the million dollar question.

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