Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

What I had forgotten about depression

I have been battling the strong force of depression over the last month or so.  It is related to a whole bunch of issues, losing my job, weight gain from meds, loneliness, my hoarding problem, unhappiness, desire to be doing other things in my life, not achieving things that I want and much more.

It has been a while since I have battled the ugly pit that is depression.  I think that some of my meds have been working well.  I'm actually taking them everyday.  I'm working out nearly everyday.  I was working at a job that was challenging and keeping me busy. I was attending CBT regularly.Everything was sort of together. If anything I was on the high side of bipolar.

Over the last month not so much.

I had forgotten how exhausting fighting depression is.  Every limb feels like it has a concrete block attached to it.  I can barely keep my eyes open for 12 hours straight.  Lack of sleep, yet no desire to sleep.  A desire to be alone and on my own.  No desire to write, speak or express myself.  I've also noticed that I have been thinking about suicide in weird ways.  Not in the way of wanting to commit suicide, but just thinking about death.  It is odd.

I don't know where i picked up this quote, but it sums up how i feel perfectly:
I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

For now, I will continue to fight as hard as I can against depression and see how things go.  Even finding some creative juices to pull out a couple of paragraphs today was difficult.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey, remember to take it easy. It's not a bad thing to take your time. Re-think how you want things to go, and get there slowly. After all, even princess-s are knocked off their throne too sometimes.


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