It has been a while since I have battled the ugly pit that is depression. I think that some of my meds have been working well. I'm actually taking them everyday. I'm working out nearly everyday. I was working at a job that was challenging and keeping me busy. I was attending CBT regularly.Everything was sort of together. If anything I was on the high side of bipolar.
Over the last month not so much.
I had forgotten how exhausting fighting depression is. Every limb feels like it has a concrete block attached to it. I can barely keep my eyes open for 12 hours straight. Lack of sleep, yet no desire to sleep. A desire to be alone and on my own. No desire to write, speak or express myself. I've also noticed that I have been thinking about suicide in weird ways. Not in the way of wanting to commit suicide, but just thinking about death. It is odd.
I don't know where i picked up this quote, but it sums up how i feel perfectly:
I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.
For now, I will continue to fight as hard as I can against depression and see how things go. Even finding some creative juices to pull out a couple of paragraphs today was difficult.