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Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thank you Mr. twinkle Toes, you made me feel special, even for just a minute
I was at a wedding this weekend and I had anticipated it being incredibly difficult. The bride and groom are very good friends and I absolutely adore them, but I also knew that so many friends/acquaintances that I hadn't seen in so long would be there. I was terrified and so anxious about all of the questions:
- So what are you doing now?
- What do you do?
- How's work?
I don't do any of those things. I don't work. I am working on getting better. I was also really anxious about the whole feeling of being there alone. I have been to so many of these events alone and the worst ones are weddings. I am so aware at weddings that I am alone and feel like I am going to be alone forever.
Who really wants to be with someone who's mind is broken??? You can't really expect this individual to have children can you? all of these questions race through my head. Needless to say i find weddings really difficult. Luckily I had a small strong network of good friends there and so it was nice to have them to stay close to.
We were sitting at the inevitable singles/brides of the groomsmen table. It was lovely as I was with close friends and some fun people. Towards the end of the night while everyone was dancing, i went to have a seat and one of the boys at the table did too. When the song came on "I've had the time of my life" he turned to me and asked me to dance.
I haven't danced with someone in ages. Actually held their hand and talked and laughed and twirled and had fun. I have been so sick for so long, that i actually cannot remember the last time i let someone hold my hand, let alone pull me in close to them. I find dancing somewhat more intimate than sleeping with/making out with someone even. It was so lovely. We had a great time.
I warned him before we danced that i don't dance and that I was horrible at it. He would hear nothing of it. He professed my skills fabulous and we laughed and twirled and had a wonderful time. I don't think he truly knows how much those 4-5 minutes meant to me.
Thanks Mr. Twinkle Toes. You made me feel special, even if it was just for a moment. I can't thank you enough.