Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Sometimes you just have to have Hope

As it stands, I am not married.  I have not dated anyone seriously in ages.  I appear to be eternally single, and this is only getting worse as I am now burdened with new realities of a mental illness.  However tonight I was confronted again with the question "Are you going to get married? Will you ever find that person to marry?" This question must be all over the thoughts of my family right now.  My littlest sister, #londonsis, is getting married in December, and as she is 9 years younger than me, I know that I am on their mind.  There appears to  be no hope for this girl in her mid 30s who is alone.

My parents have made comments in the past, I know not intentionally, about my not ever getting married and them not having hope, but hope is all that i have.  (My mother casually offering to buy me the whole Le Crueset line if I ever do get married, does not instill in her daughter that she has any hope that I will ever get married.)  I want more than anything to have a partner/husband and a family of my own, but sometimes wanting something is not enough.

I told my father tonight. as he casually said that he had in the past thought that the money that they would have spent on a wedding for me I could use to buy a house potentially, that I had not lost hope and I needed him to not loose hope either.  It would mean the end of everything.  Hope is all that I have on this matter.  I have to have hope that one day I will meet someone that I love, who will love me, who wants to have children, who wants to be with me, illnesses and all.  For now I grasp on tiny strands of hope that are growing fainter as the days go by....

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