I have always struggled with my weight. When I was younger I used to dream that one day I would wake up and want to be skinny and then I would lose weight. Somehow there would be a switch in my head that would just go on and I would have a desire to lose weight. I have written before on this little blog about my weight, issues with my weight and a lot of insight that I have on why I struggle with my weight, and all of that is relevant and important as I look out to my current situation, but I want to leave it behind. I want to focus today on the fact that I am angry, and upset, and disappointed in myself, for falling pray to the #seroquelcarbsmonster.
For anyone that deals with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, sever depression or a host of other mood disorders, has heard of the drug, Seroquel and its lovely side effect, The Carbs Monster. Since I started taking this drug last April, so a year ago, I have put on 20lbs. This is not 20lbs that I have to gain. I had far more than 20 to lose.
I am angry. I am angry that I let this happen. I am angry that I fell down to the feet of the "Monster" and did so with such vigor. I apparently have taken the monster as a lover. I feed him, he comforts me, we are good friends when I am so lonely. What is so shocking is it is not like I am eating a hell of a lot. I feel like eating a piece of bread just attaches itself to my hip and won't let go. I didn't eat wheat, didn't drink caffeine or alcohol, in January, do you think I lost a pound??? Not a one. On a diet of veggies, water and legumes, the Monster still won.
So what am I to do?? Well I joined Weight Watchers yesterday. I just woke up last week and had had enough of these fucking side effects and decided to take some action. I was so depressed when I was weighed and then after the meeting was told that my weight loss will be twice as slow given the drugs that I am taking. Well that is just fucking wonderful. One more great thing to add to the list of "Why I hate taking 14 pills a day". I will battle the monster and hope that I win. Everyday is a struggle to stay on track anyway, why wouldn't I add slaying the #seroquelCarbsMonster to the list???
Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!
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