Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Battling the Monster: Anger and action of dealing with weight gain as a side effects of drugs

I have always struggled with my weight.  When I was younger I used to dream that one day I would wake up and want to be skinny and then I would lose weight.  Somehow there would be a switch in my head that would just go on and I would have a desire to lose weight.  I have written before on this little blog about my weight, issues with my weight and a lot of insight that I have on why I struggle with my weight, and all of that is relevant and important as I look out to my current situation, but I want to leave it behind.  I want to focus today on the fact that I am angry, and upset, and disappointed in myself, for falling pray to the #seroquelcarbsmonster.

For anyone that deals with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, sever depression or a host of other mood disorders, has heard of the drug, Seroquel and its lovely side effect, The Carbs Monster.  Since I started taking this drug last April, so a year ago, I have put on 20lbs.  This is not 20lbs that I have to gain.  I had far more than 20 to lose. 

I am angry.  I am angry that I let this happen.  I am angry that I fell down to the feet of the "Monster" and did so with such vigor.  I apparently have taken the monster as a lover.  I feed him, he comforts me, we are good friends when I am so lonely.  What is so shocking is it is not like I am eating a hell of a lot.  I feel like eating a piece of bread just attaches itself to my hip and won't let go.  I didn't eat wheat, didn't drink caffeine or alcohol, in January, do you think I lost a pound??? Not a one.  On a diet of veggies, water and legumes, the Monster still won.

So what am I to do??  Well I joined Weight Watchers yesterday.  I just woke up last week and had had enough of these fucking side effects and decided to take some action.  I was so depressed when I was weighed and then after the meeting was told that my weight loss will be twice as slow given the drugs that I am taking.  Well that is just fucking wonderful.  One more great thing to add to the list of "Why I hate taking 14 pills a day".  I will battle the monster and hope that I win.  Everyday is a struggle to stay on track anyway, why wouldn't I add slaying the #seroquelCarbsMonster to the list???

2 comments:

Carmen Delia said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was diagnosed with a chronic mood disorder, similar to that of Bipolar Disorder, meaning I can never be cured nor will medicine help all of they way. Aaand you are totally right. Disorders are package deals fer-sure!!! Visit my blog! http://intricatecarmen.blogspot.com/

or e-mail me! intricatecarmen@live.com I'd love to speak with you and I really enjoy this bloooogg

odiofabrifibra said...

Stop. Quit Weight watchers. What you need to do is Take control of your life,your body,and your mind. This is your life. Remember that! You can do anything you want. Take control! You can do it! Take control over it. If you want to lose weight lose it. It won't be easy at first but you have to put in the effort. Make the effort to change your life around. Think positive. Go and exercise. Exercise and diet. Reduce your meal sizes.Eat healthy.NO JUNK FOOD. If your hungry at first drink water or a healthy snack. Remember you can do this!

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