Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Trying not to be an island of one:My Social Life & Mental Health

Depression and mental illness are a bitch.  Not only does it rob you of your life for so long, all the happiness, all the feelings, all the desire to do something, anything, and then as if to kick you when you are down, it takes your friends.

I have been ill for so long that I now am at a stage where people have stopped asking how I am, they don't invite me out and I have fallen off the radar.  I understand.  I'm not fun to be around these days.  I'm unconsciously passive aggressive in some of my communication, I am crusty on the best of days, and forget my smiling or joining in on conversation sometimes, but I would still like the invitation.  I find it hard to be social, but the only way it is going to get better, is if I start to go out

How do you tell people that?  That you don't want to be left off the invitation list? That you are sick of hearing how much fun everyone else is having when you are at home.  I have tried to hint that I would like the invitations extended, but it does not work.   I can't invite myself to everything and i won't.  I feel like I have lost all my friends.  To be fair there are a few who are still reach out, but I can't keep creating the opportunities to socialize by being the one organizing meals, events etc.

I used to be fun.  I wonder if the fun me is the hypomanic me, but regardless, people used to want to spend time with me.  I added value to their lives.  I was a part of a lively social network.  People wanted to be around me.  Now I am a social network of one most of the time, struggling to remind people that I am still here, I still want friendship, I still am worthy of a "hello" or a "how are you" on occasion.  It is amazing how quickly we fall of the radar when we are ill.

2 comments:

bluessman5555 said...

Hey Princess, it's the same here in Aus. You have described the way my life is perfectly, falling off the invite lists, people not calling or dropping in any more.
Hiding in my bedroom, not answering the door or the phone. The Internet is my saviour I suppose, at least I have an idea what's going on around me. If not for my wife and the net I would be in a very sorry state.

Cheers David

odiofabrifibra said...

I'm sorry that people don't invite you to things anymore. I hope one day that you meet a group of people that really care about you can hangout with. I know how hard it is to make friends these days.

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