Thanks for visiting my little blog, Please note that this is my online diary, thoughts & feelings expressed on this blog are mine & mine alone. I hope that you will take the time to comment & tell me what you think about the things that I write. If you do not wish to know what I am thinking in my tiny little head then please do not read on, but I will not apoloize for my spelling (although I'm trying to be better!) or my posts!

Thanks for stopping by,
Princess Steph

Saturday, March 22, 2008

An evening with two - 2 year olds.....

I spent last night with my highschool best friend last night. She had very cute little twin girls two years ago and they are precious. It was lovely to see them and spend time with them. They have moved about an hour and a half away from Toronto and so I don't spend much time with them anymore. They are so cute.

I also got to see my friends parents, who are like second parents to me. It was lovely to spend some time with them also. We of course ended up talking about families and how many of our friends are having babies. We chatted about how hard it had been for my girlfriend with twins and how crazy some families are to have a bunch of little kids all in a row, how did the parents cope? Why would they do it like that?

On my way home, I realized that that was my future...God willing I meet someone in the next little while and all the stars align, the math plays out like this:
  • Current Age 31 3/4
  • meet someone in, lets say, the next 6 months (age 32 1/2)
  • Date for a year or so (age 33 1/2)
  • get engaged (age 33 1/2)
  • Get married (age 34, when your this old who wants to wait)
  • Live as a married couple for a while (age 35)
  • Try and get pregnant (age 35-36)
  • have first child (age 36)
  • have second child in a year (age 38)
  • have third child in the next year or so if I am so lucky (age 39-40)

And lets be realistic, this is all a pipe dream, but what is so evident is that I don't have a lot of time. Not a lot of time at all. What am I going to do? I guess that I have to really get on the train to meeting someone, I just feel that I am not together enough. What the hell? when will I be together enough. All of this thought has made me feel on the verge of a panic/anxiety attack. I am finding it hard to breath. Hard to catch my life down this spiral that I don't want it to go down. I hate this feeling. The weight on my chest. the inability to function normally. For the love of god.

1 comment:

Technodoll said...

"Life is what happens when you're busy making plans" - remember that. Things rarely pan out as they are planned out, so let the math go...

A year ago I was in a steady relationship that was going nowhere, but it was pleasant enough. Last summer it was over, and two months later I met the love of my life - completely unexpected.

He proposed on New Year's Eve and is moving across the sea to be here with me in June. We'll be married in August. And no babies for us ever, LOL!

If you had asked me a year ago or even last summer if I had any idea where I would be in 2008? I would have said alone and miserable, yaddi yadda.

Hah, right. God pointed his finger and laughed, all right.

All I'm saying is... a calendar is fine but you can't build you life on it in neat little squares, it just doesn't work that way.

Courage. Your turn is soon! (hugs)


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