An evening with two - 2 year olds.....

I spent last night with my highschool best friend last night. She had very cute little twin girls two years ago and they are precious. It was lovely to see them and spend time with them. They have moved about an hour and a half away from Toronto and so I don't spend much time with them anymore. They are so cute.

I also got to see my friends parents, who are like second parents to me. It was lovely to spend some time with them also. We of course ended up talking about families and how many of our friends are having babies. We chatted about how hard it had been for my girlfriend with twins and how crazy some families are to have a bunch of little kids all in a row, how did the parents cope? Why would they do it like that?

On my way home, I realized that that was my future...God willing I meet someone in the next little while and all the stars align, the math plays out like this:

• Current Age 31 3/4
• meet someone in, lets say, the next 6 months (age 32 1/2)
• Date for a year or so (age 33 1/2)
• get engaged (age 33 1/2)
• Get married (age 34, when your this old who wants to wait)
• Live as a married couple for a while (age 35)
• Try and get pregnant (age 35-36)
• have first child (age 36)
• have second child in a year (age 38)
• have third child in the next year or so if I am so lucky (age 39-40)

And lets be realistic, this is all a pipe dream, but what is so evident is that I don't have a lot of time. Not a lot of time at all. What am I going to do? I guess that I have to really get on the train to meeting someone, I just feel that I am not together enough. What the hell? when will I be together enough. All of this thought has made me feel on the verge of a panic/anxiety attack. I am finding it hard to breath. Hard to catch my life down this spiral that I don't want it to go down. I hate this feeling. The weight on my chest. the inability to function normally. For the love of god.