It is 10:45 at night on a Friday, I'm sitting alone in a Starbucks patio that is closed for the night and I am waiting for a friend. Not a friend that I have ever met in person, but a friend that knows me oddly very well. Shockingly I am not even sure how to pronounce his name.
I have been on twitter for a number of months now and I really enjoy the vehicle for communications. I did not know what it was going to be like. I went into it with low, low expectations in terms of what I would do with it, how I would use it etc, and I am addicted.
Anyway, back to me sitting in an empty patio. I started following said boy 2 months ago maybe, when the national newspaper in Canada listed the Top 10 Twitterers in Toronto to follow. He was on the list and so bing, bang, boom - we are communicating on Twitter. our joking tweets and messages back and forth daily to thinks that we both post, migrated to discussions about meeting for a drink, to e-mails, to him wishing me a good night and vice versa every night for the last two wks etc to tonight. I also should come clean about the fact that I had a total and utter melt down on the poor boy on Monday and he was wonderful. He made the awful mistake of asking me how I was? The nerve. Total meltdown over my spoiled sister, my life not working, commuting, migraines etc. All topped off with the fact the it was my birthday and I was alone. It is a wonder that he did not block me from twitter right then and there. It is so weird. I feel like I know him.
I am terrified that whatever friendship we have in this false universe is about to die, when we meet in person. I'm also terrified that I weirdly and randomly like this boy on the other end of my bberry when I crawl into bed at night, wishing me good night. I like that it is all based on intellect our friendship and has nothing to do with us meeting in person. This friendship has no pretences on who we are in person. But now it does and I am scared.
I am scared that I am fat. I am scared that I misrepresented myself. I am scared that I am not the person that anyone would ever want to like in person as a friend or in any other way. I am scared that I am a great girl if you don't have to look at me. I am scared that even as a friend I would not be acceptable in person.
I wonder if he has googled me? I would certainly think that he has. He would know what I looked like. Should I take solace in that. There are pics of me all over the bloody Internet in all my awful glory.
I'm in the same dress that I've worn all day, my black rachel pally maxi dress and black patent birkenstocks. I had my hair highlighted today so that has made me feel a bit better about myself and I don't look like a complete tragic mess, only a slight tragic mess!
On the other hand I am proud of myself for putting myself out there. It will be one night. What is the worst that can happen? I promise to report later. If you feel like following me on twitter, my twitter name is stephintoronto. I'd love to meet up some day, I think!
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