I no longer have the inner strength, be it physical or mental, to do everything for everyone. I cannot be the person who will not only bring the cookies to the volunteer board meeting, but bake them myself, chair the meeting, make sure that everyone is called before the meeting, send out the notes, call the individual who is sick, send them flowers etc.
I don't have it in me. On one side my chronic migraines take it out of me. Chronic Pain is exhausting. it is constant and it is draiing. They completely deplete me, just to make it through the day on most days. My body, like today, hurts some days to the point that i sit at my office in birkenstocks with my full formal work wear in hopes of it helping.
On the other side I have my own mental health. I cannot be exhausted, stressed to the max, not looking after myself and anxiety ridden constantly. I then spiral into a very bad place of depression and a constant panic attack sitting on my chest waiting to burst out. I also understand quite clearly that a lot of this is because i am not happy in my life.
So how does managing excpectations play out for the areas in my life that are important???
- For work, it is about being able to say no (which I cant do well) and also being able to undersatnd that a. not everything has to be perfect b. there are people who can help c. i have to use my assistant more effectively.
- For friends, it is about them being understanding that I don't live in Toronto anymore, that putting aside a night to be with them is a big deal when I am in town, and that I cannot be the "best" friend that I have been in the past. I hope that they understand. I also am relying on them to do help with this endeavour. i cannot be the one to constantly call, to make th edates, to book the dinners, to send the flowers, to buy the gifts etc. i just can't. So far "they" have not stepped up to the plate. i hope that having some comversations with them over the december holidays will help.
- For my personal stuff, it is all about me being ok with doing less and accepting that as a reality. If I cannot do it, it is ok to say no and just hold my ground. This also involves exploring further things that I enjoy, spoiling myself from time to time and making sure that I am remembering at the end of the day, this life for me is about more than just work. It is about finding a husband/partner, having my own children, being healthy, enjoying the days when I can.
you deserve it!