Well, It occured to me this afternoon as I was drinking expresso in an adorable little cafe in Buenos Aires that I have been here for 6 days and I am having a rough time today, and I have been having a rough time the last few days. I have thrilled to be away in this amazing city. I absolutely love this place. It feels like Paris sometimes and like Bogota or Cartegena at other times. The older women are so well put together and so are for the most part the men. There are more stores than I know what to with, and I am staying with amazing friends....
BUT, I left with my meds not 100%, not feeling 100%, in the middle of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, going to at least 2 group therapy sessions a week at the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario and seeing my psychiatrist once every two weeks to seeing no one for 7 wks. Today I was thinking that it would be nice to go to a group session and there was one in the afternoon. I feel that I am going to miss that support. I pissed off to try and deal with some of my stuff here, thinking that a change in scenery would help to make me feel better. That the new environment would help me to feel like I was a new person. That perhaps the air would help the neurons in my brain to fire differently. But so far it has not.
Don't get me wrong. I am blessed to be here and I think that the time here will be well spent and benefical. I am going to be here for 2 wks on my own, which will be good. I am challenging myself by working on my spanish. I spend time walking everyday, getting a ton of exceercise. I am thinking of taking up pilates down the street and going everyday to have a mission and get more in shape. All of this will be good for me. But today I am down and rough. I feel badly. I am sad. I don't want to leave my bedroom. I know that part of my knows that #escapetoBuenosAires and running away was not the smartest thing in the world for me to do. The other part of my is say "fuck it" and try and enjoy your time. You only live once.
I still wish there was an english speaking bipolar/depression group i could join today down here....
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